Letter from William Smith, 18 December 1835

to bring so much disgrace upon the  cause, when I fell into temptation,  and perhaps by this I might obtain  Salvation you know my passions  and the danger of falling from so  high a station, and thus by withdraw ing from the office of the apostleship  while their is salvation for me, and  remaining a member in the church;
I feel a fraid if I do’nt do this it  will be worse for me, some other day
And again my health is poor and  I am not able to travel and it is ne cessary that the office, should not be  idle— And again I say you know  my passions and I am a fraid it  will be worse for me, by and by
do so if the Lord will have mercy  on me and let me remain as a  member in the church, and then  I can travel and preach, when I am  able— do not think that I am your  enemy for what I have done, perhaps  you may say or ask why I have not  remembered the good that you have  done to me— When I reflect upon the  ingury I have done you I must con fess that I do not know what I have  been doing about— I feel sorry for  what I have done and humbly ask  your forgiveness— I have not confid ence as yet to come and see you  for I feel ashamed of what I have  done, and as I feel now I feel as thou [p. 78]
William Smith, letter, Kirtland, OH, to JS, Kirtland, OH, 18 Dec. 1835; handwriting of Warren Parrish; in JS, Journal, Sept. 1835–Apr. 1836, pp. 77–79; JS Collection, CHL.